I usually hate when people bring out the “life isn’t fair” line. Talk about a watered-down expression, people often misuse it to whine about their nonproblems. I guess it takes moments like this to really understand.
One of my best girl friends from college (Julie) just lost her husband (Phillip). He died.
A very active and healthy police officer under 30 years old, you’d imagine it’d have something to do with that… right? But it didn’t. For some reason, he just didn’t wake up yesterday morning. It all makes zero sense and seems zero fair. Phil was such an amazing person, husband, and father, and I can’t even begin to describe how in love him and Julie were. How in love they ARE. What is this past tense that I’m speaking? It’s devastating.
I’ll never forget when they met and all the third wheeling I did, gladly. And I’ll never forget losing a hamburger in his backseat when he took a sharp turn and it flew out of my hand. (It was really late and dark outside, I was careless. These things happen.) They were too wrapped up in conversation in the front to even notice or care. I wasn’t about to bother them. (I followed up, it was discovered in the morning. No worries.)
Julie just had her life flipped upside down and my heart is breaking into 7,000 pieces for her and her little girl. She’s religious, and I know her faith will help her get through this, but right now… what do you do? What do we do? Such a weird feeling to be surrounded by so many people and so much love, but feel as lost as ever. That’s how I feel, at least. And I’m the least of any of this. Trying to figure out why these things happen in life. It isn’t fair.
We love you, Jules.
No Sleep Till
Oh life, always too much to do and not enough time. Go figure. I always underestimate the logistics involved in doing pretty much anything, (including getting out the door in the morning… every day), so you can about imagine what I’m like trying to pack up and move overseas for a bit. Two weeks from now I’ll be on a long flight to explore and teach English for the summer. It’s going to be rad.. then. Right now I’m as stressed as ever. The whole “quitting my awesome job with awesome people to try something new and — oh yeah — not get paid” thing doesn’t help much.
It’ll be worth it.
i wish anxiety and self doubt burned calories